Submitted by Crown Inn regular Howard Bell.
Learn to speak “Crownese”, The easy way.
If you are a regular to the Crown Inn, you will be well aware that it has its very own language. If you are visiting, this guide will help you understand what’s going on. I’m sure to miss a lot out, so please use the comments or send me an Email, and we’ll add them.
Feel free to print this page out and take it to the Crown Inn with you.
Question – Do you have any rattly bits?
In English – This is a request from the bar staff for change, so dig deep into your pockets and pay for your drinks with as many coins as possible. It is very important that if you are being served by S-J, you only pay with coins as she loves counting coins and hates notes.
It’s been pointed out to me that when you are given your change and it contains coins, you are only being “lent” rattly bits.
Question – Are you a queue?
In English, this phrase is asking if you are waiting to be served. The correct response is that you are a queue but would like to be an “ex queue”.
Understanding Charges and Change
Quarter past 2 = £2-15
Half past 5 = £5-30
Quarter to 9 = £8-45
Chinese dentist = £2-30 (tooth hurty), also known as Half past 2
A poorly octopus = £6-00 (sick squid)
2 guineas = £2-10 (unfortunately John no longer accepts payment in farthings, ha’pennies, groats, florins or ferrets)
Drinks
Amstel = Girlie Beer (When we had Carlsberg Lager it was known as “Euro-Fizz”)
Coke = Full Fat
Diet Coke = Semi skimmed
House Whisky = A Cooking
The Intercom System
There is an Intercom System that connects the “Cellar”, the “Bar” and the “Kitchen”. These are known as The “Engine Room”, “Bridge” and “Crows Nest”. So now, if you hear “Engine Room to Bridge” you’ll know what’s going on. Another phrase you might hear is “I’m going down for a bang and a wallop”. I’ll leave John to explain that one.
Don’t forget that Ice is very rare. You ask for it at your own risk.
While on the subject of Ice, it’s not as rare these days as the pub now has an ice maker. You may not know that ice can be fresh or frozen so please make your choice before getting to the bar. Also, try to avoid the word “lots” as this usually results in John having to chase the last three ‘lumps’ around the bucket, these are roughly the size of a penny & will melt before you get back to your table.
If you are buying eggs (Yes, The Crown does sell eggs) please only do so when the bar is really busy.
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